i want need to knock my head onto a wall that has loads of bulging bricks. the more, the merrier. no wait, i should knock your head instead. that'll make me feel better. probably.

i.will.be.fine.

freaking migraines are back. gosh, maybe i should stick some kind of drug into my system so i'll get high. bullshitlah. i really need a head-trashing. im talking mighty crap nowadays. gaaaah. i need to clear my period so i can pray again. im going crazy without my daily dose of peace.

i.will.be.fine.

i hate myself for hating you. no i hate you for letting me hate you. hatred is very bad. now, i cant disillusion myself anymore. coz i'll end up hating you more after that. for forcing me to slip into fantasy so that i'll be able to survive reality.

i.will.be.fine.

im not fit to love. i dont think im even in a condition to love. how can i miss something that i've never gotten? hugs and comfort are strangers to me. i'll forever be in this icy stage. will it ever melt to eventually let me open up? open up to someone that i've been yearning for? fcuk. why the hellw ould i be yearning for someone?

im not fit to love remember?

blame this freak post to the fact that its 2 plus in the morning and i've just realised my foolishness. i dont deserve anyone