What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

being idealistic had never been a good thing for me. i think too much and end up getting myself all stressed up over the little-est and stupid-est of things. it was never meant to be like that. maybe i just have too high an expectation for the things in life, and to make things worst, its as if im the only person who does! it was never easy, but i still made it through.

maybe it was the drastic change of perspective that i went through. the person that i am today, and the person that i was 3-4 years ago, are eons apart. its a blessing, alhamdulillah. that's undeniable. but there are times, god forbid, when i'll wish that i was back to the old me - with the heck care fcuk-with-the-world attitude. all these never seemed to matter back then. now, they're causing me to lose my sleep, and at times, my friends.

yes. i am idealistic. about everything. how friendships should be. how humans should behave in accordance to the situation. how things should be done. i dont mean conventional. nope not at all. but at least there should be a structure. a limit. a guideline. and most of all, a common understanding.

it hurts when it seems as if im the only person who feels that way. it hurts to be left out. most of all, it hurts when nothing's done after having it voiced out.

i gracefully accept the fact that i can never turn back time and regain my childhood. i accept that im different from the rest. i accept the fact that my way of thinking and perspective in life is way older than my supposed age. i never regretted being forcefully thrown out of childhood. its ok. i believe it all happened for a reason.

but nobody said it was easy. especially when you're alone.

you see, the more you expect out of something, the more pain you conceive. alone.

fcuk. stop being melancholic!