today is a !@$!##%@% day. honestly. confrontations. irresponsible behaviour. egoistic bullshit. baaaah. memorable for exactly the wrong reasons. gosh. did it really had to happen?

confronted her to talk things out. what i thought had been sorted out was actually boiling under the surface. i have never, in my live, ever confronted somebody like i did just now. it all seems surreal, but yet, evident. what needs to be done, needs to be done. it was kind of lame, confronting her in the toilet [heh, it was like a gang fight!]. it was quite heated at first, with me immediately going straight to the point, but i managed to cool down. heh, to confront one needs strategies you know! anyway, she was defiant at first, and gosh i was so damn mad. how would you have felt if someone that you THINK was a friend, goes around behind your back, telling others bad stuff about you, severely backstabbing you, when in fact, in front of you, she claims that she's fine with everything. well let me tell you, it will definitely come back to me, and when i do find out, i will take action. especially if i thought you were my friend. so that was what happened. after which, i talked slowly with her, in a nice tone, for her to actually understand and whatever i was saying to go through into that brain of hers. she who was ultimately defiant at first, started to shed reluctant tears at last. hey, that's not a problem, at least i know what i was doing was not going to waste. owell, right now, let bygones be bygones. insyallah, we wont hold it against her. yes, we, coz i wasnt the only one. now, its up to her to decide herself. her friend is a totally different matter.

and today, i did go to the mosque. i practically dragged myself there coz i was so damn tired but still needed to go as there was supposedly a meeting. YET, when i arrived, they told me that it was cancelled.. what the? but it was nice, to see their faces. and hearing them say they missed me.. heh. i missed them too! and i saw him! lalalala. ok atikah gila. anyway, had a conflict with one of the belias after breaking fast. got so damn pissed off. he was so damn freaking egoistic. and still is! aaaaah. the girls were really trying not to cuss their ass off. i was already feeling unwell, and had to endure all the shouting and all. gosh. i so wanted to puke then. but there's nothing to vomit out! gaaaaaaaaah. *shift topic* well, guess what, he was ultra nice to me today! oh gosh. i need to stop. really.

and i just realised, when im sick, i am VERY MANJA! serious! good or bad?

its great to go online after a very long time to read such great tags. i love you guys so very the much!! though i dont show it, i do i do i do!

anyway, my eoy results were ok. i failed physics and chem, which was highly expected. gosh. i really do suck in science. but as they say, failure will lead to success. i have bought a whole lot of assessment books, gosh, when i do finish all of them, i'll be a science genius! muahahaha. move aside einstein, make way for atikah! hah.

yesterday saw the belias and b/wanis fighting mildly. all due to silly jokes and teasing. gosh. it was scaaaary. especially when we waited for the due punishment, which didnt happen btw. well, not only the fight was punishment called for, we b/wanis, had, eherm, girl talk, dirty talk, and well, one of the belias heard it and could not keep his mouth shut. and ended up getting us into trouble. luckily the heads were not informed. gosh. if they were.... hmm, regretting the fact that im not at the mosque right now. eherm, because of a certain someone... sheesh.... bila aku datang, dia tak datang chet. atikah, atikah....

well anyway, i have been placed in charge for putting together a team from my school for gema puisi artistik 2006. its the first time that my school will actually be sending a team to participate, so pressure me! luckily, i have a bunch of reliable friends that are willing to join me in this feat. though, there were confusions just now as to who was to join, as only 8 people were allowed, it settled. though, i feel quite bad for hogging one of the main roles. sheesh. its not that im greedy, i would gladly give up my place, but then... it'll be a pity to give up such a chance! haish... so right now, i will be the in-charge and also the actor. as a dear friend said, "director also can be actor what!!"

vlee really loves my class! [take that p3!] really! he offered to sponsor a chalet for us during the holidays! as in, fully sponsored. him. paying. for. us. gosh. thats just so sweet right? and he's putting loads of effort to help my class do fantastically in amaths.. BTW, DID I TELL YOU THAT MY CLASS HAS THE BEST MSG FOR AMATHS EOY?!?!?! yeah, we topped the level! [take another one p3!] muahahaha. i was so freaking happy when he announced to the class. one should see his face then, he was so proud of us! yeeeehaaa!

vlee loves us! and we love him too!! my class gave him a lollipop for his birthday, which was last friday. heh. a lollipop u say? hey, at least we gave him!!!

see, i told you we have a love-hate relationship with him....

she knew it was coming.

a flash of pain. her world was a blur, her eyes couldn't focus. her head ached like mad.

she hurried for her pills and realised that she had finished it. she felt faint. the pain was too intense. she had this condition for years and yet it always felt like the first time.

she crouched on the floor, ignoring the puzzled looks everyone was giving her. she rested her head. her temples ached. it felt as if someone was squeezing her head. squeezing it so hard that she couldnt breathe. she prayed. she prayed for relief from the pain.

fifteen minutes has passed before the pain subsided. it was a short one this time. there were incidents where the migraine has lasted for days. she took a sip of water and went on with her day as if nothing had happened.

for it has happened frequently till it felt like it is but an everyday occurrence.

******

yup. my migraines are back. sheesh. but luckily i have the belia-s at the mosque to make me ignore it. my computer's been giving me problems. my bro have been dwlding god-knows-what games and are hogging my memory. sheesh. i love the time at the mosque. the people there are great. heh. and i am not referring to any particular person in. seriously.

matters have been resolved. partially. there's still unease in the air. some people just dont change. with attitude that sux, they simply become a nuinsance in your life. owell. life still goes on, right?

taking a break from helping out at the mosque.

had a misunderstanding with the belia-s yesterday. we had to do all the work. lucky karim came to help.abg izan and abg zaki were no-shows. had to endure being nagged by the muslimahs. sheesh. dah bagus aku turun tolong.

decided to let the belias do the stuff all by themselves for the next few days. let them appreciate us. hmmph. wish abg izan was there. or abg jamil. at least there'll be more order.

am down with a fever. walked in the heavy rain yesterday. to go to the mosque. blah. didnt even rest, coz nobody was around to help. gosh. we're damn good samaritans.

missing someone. sheesh. gi masjid bukannya nak menggatal atikah! =)

i've been going to the mosque these few days to help out with the iftar/breaking fast preparation. a few years ago, its been quite inimaginable for me to actually be at the masjid besides attending religious class. heh. how things change. its been totally fun. i love the people at the mosque. the pakciks, ustazahs, imams and the who-can-forget belias. heh. the time was spent helping out and laughing at the same time. the people there are extremely friendly and outgoing. and oh god. the boys are so hilarious. and they dont realise it. seriously. hah.

which meant that i have been breaking fast at the mosque for a few days. it was nice. breaking fast as a group. rolling out the mats and laying out the dishes. it was tiring the first time but i got used to it. and the boys are constantly trying to get on our nerves. just so happened that there were only 3 girls helping out, they called us 'charlie's angels'. heh. right... but they were the ones that sighed a huge sigh of relief when we first came. there was finally help for them, coz the past week they have been the one preparing for both the males and females.

bubur masjid has been a constant dish for my break fast. heh. taste nice actually. something happened yesterday that totally changed my view on the idiotic guys there. two siblings, aged 7 and 3 came together to take the bubur masjid, but all had already been given out, so none was left for them. both of them actually lingered around before asking for the porridge as there were nobody sitting at the table, all us mofos were relaxing at the side after giving out the last packet. anyway, when we finally did realised that they wanted the porridge, we had to say that it was finished. so both of them left, the brother holding on to the younger one. the guys, feeling guilty and pitied the kids, actually asked someone to run after them, and went around the mosque looking for the porridge that was set aside for breaking fast purposes. and they actually took out the plastics etc and packed the porridge for the two boys. two packets at that. and the others played with the two kids while waiting. so sweet right....

anyway. peek-a-boo on my mosque-going self. =)

i have two files worth of amaths corrections to do. how nice. ok fine. it was supposed to be completed before the exam but how? ahh. luckily 3/4 are already done. thank you thank you thank you. now i have 1/4 left. did i tell you i love amaths? chemistry paper was, as expected. no comments. let's just say i had to walk from school to the mrt station to calm down. heh. nice. with the hot blazing sun right on top of my head. i am seriously counting on my multiple choices. felt like tearing up the paper there and then. namun sesungguhnya aku sedang berpuasa.

reminiscence. i was going through my prose collections. gosh i used to be so morbid. i guessed i lost that touch once i got our of depression. yeah. that was eons ago. but i still loved the writings. here's a peek-a-boo on my past writing.


repetoire
again.

she stabbed herself again. as she pulled the blade, she felt the blade slice through her flesh as it did countless of times. she was used to the pain.

she watched the blood gush. watched it drip to the floor. and soon, watch the blood clot on the wound.

she stared with fascination though the ritual has been repeated many a times. to be exact, hourly every single day. she bandaged the cut, sat herself infront of the tv and watched while keeping an eye on the time.

once the hour was up she took out her blade again, with relish. she chose a new spot and stabbed again.

she had wanted to feel the pain. she lived to feel the pain.

the pain was the only thing that reminded her that she was still alive.

gosh. thank god i'm over that phase of my life. depression i never want to feel again. i'm a new person. i love myself.

two more papers and i'll heave a contented sigh of relief.

the higher malay paper that we had to resit just now was fine. heck. i still think that it's not fair that we have to come back to school so early just to have a 45 minutes paper. was going crazy in class before the pledge-taking. hey, as class chairman, i have the responsibilty to enlighten my class you know. heh. they were taking their higher mother tongue and mother tongue paper, so yes, you could imagine the stress that they were facing. *evil laugh* i still wonder why we higher malay students fail to feel the stress before actually sitting for our paper. *ponders*

my classmate has a crush on my amaths teacher. amaths. as in MR VINCENT LEE! heh. the self-proclaimed SNAG of the school. the teacher that my class has a love-hate relationship with. the guy that rocks our socks. the guy that sometimes makes us want to bang our head on the wall. the man that does reverse-psychology with the class. the man that my friend has a crush on. hahaha. mr lee, if you're reading this, [insert name] has a major crush on you!!! lala. ok i have to admit, you are cute in a sort of way, i think. haha. were u sick? two days mc, we were worried. see, who says we dont care for our teachers... =)

i have an ultimately annoving vainpot as a brother. he was hogging my mirror. as in the mirror in my room! for what? to comb his hair! he was on my bed, combing his hair in this sort of macho man manner. hah. and he's only 8. yes ais, he's the brother that you think is hot. blah. aisyah and nad apparently developed an infatuation for this brother of mine. aaaaaaaaaaaaah. he is always looking in the mirror, ensuring that his jambul is in place. what the? even i dont care how i look! gosh.

know what? i'm supposed to study chemistry right now. as in ions, cations and whatever. aaaaargh. when will they realise that science and atikah, we dont click. give me maths, humanities and language, it'll be a breeze. but science... aaaaaah.. call me a practical person, but i hate science. so when i go to tertiary level, i am taking everything, except science. hear ye hear ye. hmm, do they offer full sastera in jc? i'll go nuts without sastera! cikgu..............

To be a good mathematician, you don't have to be a good scientist.

its funny when u realise everything is just a facade to blind the eyes of the passing acquaintances.

owell. the exam papers were quite ok. physics and amaths were both easier to digest than expected. well that and the fact that i crammed away the day before the exam. what to do... yes. i have diminished my red bull and coffee addiction. though i still have the tendency to grab a tin of nescafe mocha. well, didnt i mention that i completely stocked up on my nescafe mocha? heh. yeah. its in my fridge.loads of it actually.

a friend mentioned something just now. was asking me why i have yet to get into a relationship. erm, do i need to? so? i'm 15 and never had a boyfriend. ever. that doesnt make me abnormal right? in fact. i'm not even looking for one. havent you ever heard the saying "love is like butterflies. The more you chase it, the more it runs away"? which comes to a point which i want to make clear. i'm not looking for a boyfriend. should a guy comes into my life, and we deem compatible, insyallah, i will consider. but whats the point of searching for another person, if i've yet to search for myself? dear friends. im still young. I'M NOT EVEN 15 YET, so have no worry. my time to love will come.

it doesnt hurt the fact that i think most of the people my age are not mature enough to be in a relationship. some even have the stupid idea that its gonna last till marriage. hah. get a life.

ps: selamat menyambut ramadhan al-mubarak to my fellow muslims. =)

fcuk. exam stress getting on. addiction to red bull and coffee. imsonia. screaming adherence. emotional imbalance.

would you be my crapping buddy?

fcuk. I wont give up before trying.