Salaam guys.

Alhamdulillah, SAJC MIQ team is in the finals. =D
I nearly died choking on stage but that’s another matter.

Admittedly, my busy schedule has led me to neglect things that used to mean so much to me. There just isn’t time to ponder about anything anymore. Everything is just about do, do, do. I’ve been made to be a machine that’s not supposed to have any feelings. I’m just supposed to do what is expected, what is instructed. It doesn’t matter whether or not I understand or even like what I’m doing. Nobody cares. Everybody is being forced into a mould to fit society. So much for breaking societal norms!

Once again, I am immensely grateful for MiQ. The quest for knowledge is wonderful. I enjoy studying for it. Of course, there are times when I just want to crush the papers, burn the books, off the laptop, and just go to sleep. My sleeping duration has decreased thanks to this cause, but I’m not complaining. Speaking in economic terms, the amount of utility I derive from this competition is humongous! It’s so even though the amount of sacrifices made is also comparable. not to mention the fragility of my relationship! yang gatal nak berboyfriend time skolah kenapa??

Btw, I scalded my left middle finger, which means I typed this whole entry with one hand! Waaaaah… hahahah. =D

**************

4 years back, I would have never imagined I would be having the lifestyle that I practice today. Just a few hours back, I attended the Umrah Preparation Course conducted by TM Fouzy at Darussalam Mosque in Clementi, together with my beloved Shafiqah, who is going off to the holy cities to conduct her umrah in June, insyallah.

Honestly, the main reason I went was for the zikir munajat session. Subhanallah, the first time I went for it, I nearly cried. The ustadz conducting it had such a beautiful voice, singing praises to Allah SWT, but that wasn’t it. It was the du’aa, the praises to Him, the realization that you are but His servant who was placed on earth with a reason. That you are someone so small, who’d conducted so much sins, but repented few. The realization that the world is something so momentary, that there’s something after this life, the Hereafter that many fail to prepare for. It was there when my past came rushing back, so vividly.

Who are we really? What right do we have to judge one another?
When was the last time you actually took the time to sit down before Him, and recite the zikr? When was the last time you actually did something wrong and immediately repent?
I am not here to judge.
Your faith is a matter between you and Allah swt only.
I know how it sucks when someone who have absolutely no knowledge about your life and who you are, randomly makes a comment about you, which of course, aims to make you feel horrible and rotten about yourself. Been there done that

I am here to remind, because, I know how it feels to be astray from Him, far from Him.

I spent much of my secondary school life being a wreck. Most of you know that by now. Those were the days when the whole world seemed to be against me, when life wasn’t worth living anymore, when the supposedly halcyon days were spent throwing my future down the drain.
The scars on my wrist serves to be a reminder of how stupid I was.
The constant blackouts and migraines are the consequences of years of delinquency.
Then, nothing seemed to matter. As long as I had my supply of cigarettes and alcohol, I was good to go. Astaghfirullah. This is not a show of pride, this is to show that no matter how hardcore you were, no matter how far you’ve strayed, there’s always a path back into the light. His love is never ending. It is really up to you to decide on your future path. He shall always be there to forgive you. Never forget that.

If I can change from being a suicidal teenage girl, to embracing Islam as THE faith, then so can you. Insyallah.

God Bless. =)

“Know that the life of this world is only play and amusement, pomp and mutual boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children, as the likeness of vegetation after rain, thereof the growth is pleasing to the tiller; afterwards it dries up and you see it turning yellow; then it becomes straw. But in the Hereafter (there is) a severe torment (for the disbelievers and evil-doers) and there is forgiveness from Allaah and (His) Good Pleasure (for the believers, good doers), whereas the life of this world is only a deceiving enjoyment.” (Al-Hadeed 57:20)