note: this entry is written at a time when yours truly is feeling extremely lethargic and intense. heh. so if you're sick of reading me rambling on and on about me, myself and i, you can click on the "x" button on the top right hand corner of the screen. thank you very much.

at times like this, i often wonder, have i failed as a leader?

though on the surface the answers are muddled, i know, deep inside, with all the confidence that i have nurtured throughout the years, i know the answer.

the hopelessness of being unable to control your peers and making them oblige to your commands is very much evident, and often gives a toll to both the mind and body.

is it better to let your peers obey you because they fear you, or because of respect?

honestly, i'll take on the latter anytime. different people have different styles of leadership. and my way, i'd want everyone to do it on their own free will. only for certain circumstances will i push them to do or commit. if not, i'd rather look for other people who are willing to give their 110% or i'll do it myself. i belief that, in any case, if a person is forced, he would not give his best and only does the job for my sake. the outcome would not be the best.

everyone has a potential. it is the responsibility of the people around him and also he himself to uncover it. should there not be the people in my past that have given me a chance to prove my leadership qualities, perhaps, until now, i will continue being the avid follower and my confidence level will be near negative point. i was not born this way, trust me.

i chose the people whose in the competition, for a reason. this will be their last year in bpghs, and hopefully, will be the most memorable. for many reasons. this will be the time for them to shine, and finally do something, rather than be an inactive spectator. menang kalah adat pertandingan. everybody wants to win, but that is not the main goal. i'd say, take every opportunity to be a learning experience. a stepping stone to enhancing your key points. should we fail, at least we know we've tried our best.

trust me, i have faith and i know where i stand. Unless we spread our wings, we'll never know how high we can fly. this may seem to be pointless ramblings, but heck, who cares. its a morale booster for me. my leadership techniques may be different, but it works. insyAllah, if we try, and not forget to seek help from the Almighty, the path will be a smooth one.

Lets do this together. For us. For the memory. For success.

Failing does not make you a failure. Giving up does.