tomorrow's the day.

the day that i've been dreading for so freaking long. its finally here. and nothing's changed. though i think the hatred is not so intense now, considering the fact i've been ignoring all the hoohaa and cooping myself up at home.

my dad's nagging at me to help out for tomorrow and sunday. yeah right. as if. he even told me to just be there and pretend to help, even if i dont. mentioned something about what the family will think if i dont. fuckshit. like i care what they think or say. it doesnt matter anyway. so while everyone is getting stressed out and running everywhere to make sure the family doesnt get humiliated this sunday, im lazing around at home, reading books, revising some work etc.. no way am i going to bother. well, perhaps i do have to show up for the event itself, but i'll probably just hang around and pretend to do something. [read: PRETEND] mum's cool about my not doing anything though. in fact, she has the same sentiments as me about all this bullshit. too bad she has to carry out her responsibility as a daughter and sister to her family. well, who's complaining anyway? i dont hear any thanks or gratitude from them anyway. like hell.

who the hell gets married when he's not even financially stable? idiot.
he's only preparing his cock for this blardy wedding. !@$@#%@#%$!#@$


on a lighter note, i got back my results.
I PASSED ALL MY SUBJECTS
woooohooo. so happy. yeah yeah yeah. and the teachers are making it obvious that they're expecting me to be one of the pupils that will be called up on stage for 7 or more distinctions. pressure! bring it on man! luckily i strive under pressure - so one request i made from the teachers - GIMME PRESSURE!!! =)

Comments anyone? This article i wrote for higher malay class created quite a stir, so what do you think?
ps: it's in malay though, sorry.

Sekian lama, masyarakat umum Singapura mempunyai fahaman bahawa Melayu = Muslim. Namun adakah tanggapan itu masih boleh dikatakan relevan dalam konteks hari ini? Wajarkah kita untuk menyinonimkan kedua-duanya? Mungkin sudah masanya kita mula memperlihatkan perbedaan di antara kedua-dua istilah ini dan kesan penyamaannya di dalam masyarakat kita. Bangsa merupakan jenis manusia yang berasal daripada satu keturunan. Agama pula merupakan satu kepercayaan pada Tuhan dan sifat-sifat dan penerimaan ajaran serta perintahNya. Kedua-dua istilah ini mempunyai makna yang jelas ketara. Seorang yang berbangsa Melayu tidak semestinya menganut agama Islam. Malah, tahukan anda, ada mereka yang berbangsa Melayu yang menetap di Filipina, Timor Leste dan Indonesia yang bukan beragama Islam, namun beragama Kristian, Hindu dan lain-lain lagi. Jadi bagaimanakah masyarakat Melayu di Singapura mampu disamakan dengan masyarakat Islam?

Dengan wujudnya globalisasi di dalam negara kita, tidak hairanlah jika kita melihat ramai anak bangsa kita berpeleseran di sana-sini, meneguk bir tanpa segan-silu, bertatu dan banyak lagi. Apabila terpandang, apakah yang timbul di benak anda?

"Hisy. Budak-budak Melayu zaman sekarang..."

Kita tidak dapat menafikan bahawa mungkin benar mereka beragama Islam, tapi pada masa ini, sedang menjadi bagai satu 'trend', anak Melayu yang masih bertutur dalam bahasa Melayu, masih menggunakan tangan untuk makan dan sebagainya, bertukar kepercayaan ataupun murtad tanpa mempunyai agama lain. Sesuatu yang amat menggusarkan, tetapi inilah hakikatnya. . Perkara ini sudah lama terjadi, namun masyarakat kita yang kadangkala hanya menutup sebelah mata dan tidak mengambil kisah sahaja.

Jika kita lihat, selalu benar perkataan 'Melayu/Islam' digunakan di dalam akhbar sekiranya ingin menyampaikan sesuatu berita mengenai seseorang, lebih-lebih lagi jika ia melibatkan remaja Melayu kita. Bandingkan pula dengan akhbar-akhbar yang lain, wujudkah istilah-istilah "Chinese/Islam" ataupun "Indian/Islam"? Tidak, bukan? Mereka dianggap sama rata. Tidak kira jika mereka menganut agama nenek-moyang mereka seperti agama Hindu ataupun agama Buddha, mahupun jika mereka menganut agama Kristian ataupun tidak beragama sekalipun, semua dianggap sama. Sebangsa.

Masyarakat India dan Cina diberi kebebasan dalam menganut agama masing-masing. Mengapa pula masyarakat Melayu kita dikongkong dengan agama Islam? Kenyataan yang ingin saya sampaikan ini bukanlah untuk menyokong perbuatan murtad itu, tetapi apakah wajar paradigma ini berterusan di kalangan masyarakat kita?
Adakah ia sesuatu yang amat memalukan bagi masyarakat Melayu untuk membenarkan fenomena ini? Sedangkan negara Cina yang mempunyai populasi penganut agama Islam yang jauh lebih besar daripada kita, mempunyai pelbagai agama bagi sesuatu bangsa, apatah lagi kita?

Sudah tibanya kita beranjak daripada fahaman itu. Islam adalah sebuah agama yang universal, dan setiap orang di muka bumi Allah ini diberikan kebebasan untuk menganut apa-apa agama yang dipilihnya.

Pisahkan kedua-dua istilah ini, kerana ia membawa bersamanya sikap prejudis yang amat hebat. Apatah lagi dalam keadaan dunia hari ini yang penuh dengan prejudis terhadap agama Allah ini.

Takkan hilang Melayu di dunia.

Takkan binasa Islam selamanya.

im back. and bored. and my ear still hurts. im starting to think that there's an animal stuck inside. urgh! =(

did i mention that i've started to don the hijab[tudung] now? yeah, so im officially a tudung-ster now. was quite reluctant initially, but heck, i got used to it and actually liked it. so its here to stay.

been thinking alot about life and death. especially death. i really sat down and thought about what i wanted in life and everything, and i guess i have things figured out halfway. im just confused. really. too many things hitting me at one go. i wasnt even able to sit down and study for midyear exams. yes, i didnt study for midyears. what the?? suprisingly, alhamdulillah, i was able to do the papers smoothly. most of the nights was spent stoning and assessing myself, with very very little revision.

why am i punishing myself for what others have done? why am i denying myself of what i deserve? am i going to continue letting the past haunt me? will i ever be able to face them without thoughts of the past? when will i finally let go?

so many questions that's still left unanswered. its getting too much.

the dreaded day's approaching fast. will i be able to run and escape? or will i once again succumb to expectations and be there just for presence's sake?

i dont know. i really dont.

i dont need this. midyears over. insyAllah i'll do well, hopefully as well as under normal circumstances. so whats next?

'o' levels and auuuuustralia! weeeeeeeeeeeeee~

thanx for being there for me. i didnt realise up till then how much i missed our late night/morning conversation that will last for 3-4 hours just by us talking pure nonsence. too bad you're off-limits, but i guess its safer to thread on this basis. only now do i realise that there's really something within your crappy exterior. =)

ear infection. one word: OUCCCCCCH!!!

ok so my ear hurts like mad. its not the throbbing kind of pain, its just.... PAIN. seriously. and i think its sort of affecting my hearing. luckily its only the right ear. aaaah. the doctor couldnt find anything wrong with it, coz my ear drum was in fine condition. probably i hit a nerve or something while cleaning my ear. it really hurts, up to the fact that now im praying sitting down coz it hurts when i place my forehead on the prayer mat. no its not because my forehead hurts - its because it hurts like FISH when the blood goes to my head!

so if by friday it still hurts after consuming all the medication that the doctor prescribed, i'll most probably have to head down to darling NUH-ENT department to see an ear specialist. great. there goes the kaa-ching! mum's probably angry coz we're saving money to fly off to australia at the end of this year. wooohoo~ definitely something to look forward to!

anyway, the hiatus was due to the mid year exams, which flew by kinda fast. the last paper is tomoro, but its chem paper1, so yeah, its sort of over. and this has got to be the most eventful exam for me - ever! falling sick thrice, ear infection, tsunami classroom, rocking classmates. wooots. i love it. in fact, i love my class! thanks for bringing zest to such a boring period of the year!