Salams everyone!

How are you? =D


I would like to invite all of you to purchase a ticket at this musical forum. It is very interesting – a new concept altogether. There will be acts like silat, sajak, rap, acapella and many more. Here is an extract from their marketing materials:


Glorious month of Ramadhan is around the corner and 3Es Services is proud to present, for the first time ever, a creative collaboration effort by Asatizah called Forum Irama – Senandung Ramadhan to welcome this month of baraqah, to be held on Friday, 22 September 2006.


Details of the forum are as follows:
Event : Forum Irama – Senandung Ramadhan

Date : Friday, 22 September 2006

Time : 7:45 pm to 9:30 pm

Venue : SingPost Pavilion Theatrette, 10 Eunos Road 8, Singapore Post Centre


Forum Irama – Senandung Ramadhan is an innovative dialogue performance that discusses the wholesome beauty of Ramadhan. The concept is musical. Will be delivered by five Asatizah, being the lead cast and will feature songs as well as other acts such as sajak, rap, acapella and many more. Accompanying the cast are five aspiring young musicians performing on instruments such as the flute, guitar and percussions.


This forum aims to heighten awareness and promote the spirit of Ramadhan through music, providing an alternative da’wah through educational entertainment, and to inculcate love and compassion among fellow Muslims through the performance.


I will be going and also helping out at the performance, and hope to see some of you there on that day. See the poster for ticket reservations if you wish to go. Do forward and share this piece of effort to all your friends who are into ‘seni’ and keen in such a performance.


weeeeeeeeeee,

Atikah

i've recently been diagnosed [by an aspiring psychiatrist] with borderline personality.

courtesy of standford.edu
Diagnosis
A person with a borderline personality disorder often experiences a repetitive pattern of disorganization and instability in self-image, mood, behavior and close personal relationships. This can cause significant distress or impairment in friendships and work. A person with this disorder can often be bright and intelligent, and appear warm, friendly and competent. They sometimes can maintain this appearance for a number of years until their defense structure crumbles, usually around a stressful situation like the breakup of a romantic relationship or the death of a parent.


Symptoms
Relationships with others are intense but stormy and unstable with marked shifts of feelings and difficulties in maintaining intimate, close connections. The person may manipulate others and often has difficulty with trusting others. There is also emotional instability with marked and frequent shifts to an empty lonely depression or to irritability and anxiety. There may be unpredictable and impulsive behavior which might include excessive spending, promiscuity, gambling, drug or alcohol abuse, shoplifting, overeating or physically self-damaging actions such as suicide gestures. The person may show inappropriate and intense anger or rage with temper tantrums, constant brooding and resentment, feelings of deprivation, and a loss of control or fear of loss of control over angry feelings. There are also identity disturbances with confusion and uncertainty about self-identity, sexuality, life goals and values, career choices, friendships. There is a deep-seated feeling that one is flawed, defective, damaged or bad in some way, with a tendency to go to extremes in thinking, feeling or behavior. Under extreme stress or in severe cases there can be brief psychotic episodes with loss of contact with reality or bizarre behavior or symptoms. Even in less severe instances, there is often significant disruption of relationships and work performance. The depression which accompanies this disorder can cause much suffering and can lead to serious suicide attempts.


Etiology
It is a common disorder with estimates running as high as 10-14% of the general population. The frequency in women is two to three times greater than men. This may be related to genetic or hormonal influences. An association between this disorder and severe cases of premenstrual tension has been postulated. Women commonly suffer from depression more often than men. The increased frequency of borderline disorders among women may also be a consequence of the greater incidence of incestuous experiences during their childhood. This is believed to occur ten times more often in women than in men, with estimates running to up to one-fourth of all women. This chronic or periodic victimization and sometimes brutalization can later result in impaired relationships and mistrust of men and excessive preoccupation with sexuality, sexual promiscuity, inhibitions, deep-seated depression and a seriously damaged self-image. There may be an innate predisposition to this disorder in some people. Because of this there may ensue subsequent failures in development in the relationship between mother and infant particularly during the separation and identity-forming phases of childhood.

can someone please smack me hard in the head? i desperately need it.

ok lets take a deep breath shall we?

.................

I LOVE BEING A TEACHER!

ok so that's said and done.

heh.

yes, the one job that was striked off from my "POSSIBLE OCCUPATION PROSPECTS" proved to be a very attractive one. at least as of now. so what made the change of mind anywhere possible?

i became an unofficial religious teacher today. i taught not one, not two, but three classes - ranging from young 'uns to those in their adolescent years. it was fun and challenging at the same time. mind you, im not teaching english/maths/science here! its religion-based! i cant possibly spew anything and hope that its true. i'l be $#%%^@#$ if i did that. religion is one thing that you should not fool around with.

anyway, i loved the feeling of standing in front of the class, in front of the 20-odd people who's staring at you, waiting for you to say something. it started out quite awkward actually, i mean, i was the only person blabbing on and on trying to make the lesson more interesting. alhamdulillah, the class got the hang of it and interacted more. and the flow was there. i yakked on and on - relevant to the topic of course! - and everybody would be hyped up and participating. trust me, the kind of things that you'll get from these kids - classic! everybody ended up laughing so hard (and loud at that), that another teacher came to check what the commotion was about. luckily, in spite of all the fun that we were having, i managed to get the message across. it was all smooth sailing, with active participation from the kids, even those who were probably older than me (though they might not know it). well, all but one class.

it was an all-boys class. [what did you expect?]

oh boy. they were active alright. in fact, too active. actually it could be in a good way, if that one guy wasnt present. why? he came in late, when i had already started teaching, and without knowing head or tail of whats happening, began challenging and questioning everything i said. trust me, both my partner and I were stunned for a while. there he sat, with a cheeky grin smack on his face, asking questions to totally irrelevant topics. and when he subsequently managed to grasp the fact that i was teaching something, he began giving straight comments and challenging everything. again.

its fine that he's participating actively. but the fact that he's so impatient and contradicting towards himself kinds of puts you off. its like he's trying to undermine you and really make it hard. hello, we're on attachment here!! so being me, i challenged him back with my own hard facts. so you guessed it, a heated debate started. it was frustrating at first cos he would interrupt every time i'm talking, and when i try to divert the class back to the hadith that i was teaching, he digress again. $#%$@!#$%# luckily the rest of the class managed to stop him - just in time for them to recite the doa to go home. great. i didnt even get to complete the topic. that guy gave me such a heart attack!

but i guess, thats where the fun is right?

so to the classes that i taught today, with whom i really enjoyed the time spent teaching hadith and akhlak,
a) PR2/2 [mixed]
b) R 3/1 [boys]
c) R 3/2 [girls]
THANKS FOR COOPERATING!

* actually, this stint was an attachment project for my final year in this particular religious institution. heh!

i was offered to come and stand in for some other teachers again though. part time job? hmmm, i dont think they'll pay though.. :(

im bored.

trying to find cartoons that'll fit your teachers is a heck of a difficult job.

seriously! coz on one hand, you want it to be fun blah blah blah, and on the other hand, you're worried they'll be offended. or you cant even find a cartoon character to suit them at all!

preparing for teacher's day isnt so easy i guess.

teachers - who doesnt love them?

its teachers that will go all out for you to make sure you achieve your potential. no matter how much you curse them, hate them for giving you detention, grumble because of the tons of homework they pile on us, it still holds that they're doing it for our own good. hey, we're doing ONE homework, and we're grumbling? they're marking more that 100 sets of homework! that's why teachers have no life =)

so we should thank them! who knows, you'll probably end up to be a teacher one day!

ok now, back to studying.

blah. its just for a few more months!

my whole family tried to boycott me to not study yesterday. but i had my study group over at the mosque you see, so they didnt exactly succeed. haha. but they did drag me to jb straight from the mosque, so that i wont continue studying at home. -_-"

people! 'o' levels are just around the corner! I NEED TO STUDY!

tmd. im getting paranoid. insane studying is not helping. really. whoever knew that studying can make you fall sick?!?! look at me! im suffering from a freaking aching back and flu. and the doctor said its because i'm too stressed. and he gave me a lecture about taking care of my mental/psychological health.

but you see doctor,
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IM DOING BY STUDYING!

you never know the joy studying can bring, well, until you actually sit down and do it. its great. it keeps my mind off things that will make me more depressed whatsoever. so yes, studying is MY remedy. it wont kill me, insyAllah. so there's nothing to worry my dear darlings.

gosh, maybe it is true. i need to get a life! heh. but then again, that can wait after 'o' levels. haha. *knocks head on the wall*

i am so screwed.

whoever knew that too much stress can cause you to suffer from a sprained back?!?!

what the hell.

i've been like a blardy sick person this few days thanks to a blardy aching back.

you know how it feels when ur feet goes numb after sitting on the floor for too long?

yeah, i've had that - and guess what, its not my leg, its the whole RIGHT side of my back!

and i cant blardy bend down or sit down properly on the table without crying out loud coz the of the stinging pain.

i have been one hell of a couch potato~

and the doctor said im too stressed?! yeah right!

heh.

the national day parade in school was crap. no march pass,no proper command and need i say that some contingents cant march?!?! at all! and the GOH were not even wearing their number one uniform. how sad. why? in the words of npcc mates, "The guest-of-honour isnt important enough" blah. who made such a crap rule? guest-of-honour is still guest-of-honour by all means.

anyway,

the celebration in the hall was much better. cheering comp started off quite miserably. but the mood went up after a while. the upper sec classes displayed excellent class spirit. the karaoke sessions really was the best part of the celebration. everybody let their hair down and had fun! especially the sec 4s, under the pretext that its our last year in the school, so whatever embarrasment that we bring upon ourselves doesnt really matter. so what did a whole bunch of crazy and hyperactive girls do?

we stood up and danced.

it was a spontaneous act. we had actually planned to sit at the back of the hall, well, so that we could stand up to dance, but were inevitably pushed to the front of the hall, yes front [read: in full view of the whole school]. but who cares? i was especially itching to stand up and do an encore of last year's celebration [we danced the whole way to last year's theme song], so when the chance presented itself, why wait? one look of each other, grins breaking out on every one of the faces, we stood up there and then and began to sway to HOME. and whats a karaoke session without singing? so yerp, we sang our hearts out.

my, it must have been quite a sight.

guess what, even our discipline master smiled approvingly at our high spirits. he was even laughing along with us! and yes, being such a great school, everybody began to join us slowly. so by the time the second song started, nearly the whole student body and quite a number of teachers were up on their feet, singing and dancing. it was a great moment, being part of such an event. its not everyday you get to link hands with your teachers and sing along to national day tunes!

and of course, customary to all school events, the celebration ended with a whooping school cheer. not once, not twice, but 3 times! the school cheer proudly displayed out great school spirit, and it didnt matter what level/stream/cca you were in. nobody bothered.

today, im proud to be a bpian

its sad to realise that this will be the last year such crazy acts will be carried out thanks to us crazy people.

soon, it'll be hello cramped hands and goodbye bpghs.

its funny when you change, people look at you and refuse to acknowledge the fact that you're a different person and expect to be treated in a different manner. [read: respect]

just because there's a 101 minah tudung-s out there who have no ounce of self-respect in them, doesnt mean the same goes for me. if i chose to remain the same bitch that i was back then, i wouldnt have chose to don the tudung right? you freaking know im not the kind of girl who's so self-deprived that all my actions will revolve around trying to attract attention or copy some other people to get accepted into whatever cliques that others confine themselves to.

i very much prefer to be independant. thank you very much.

first and foremost, i do not regret my past. whatever happened in the past, was a blessing in disguise. i will never fail to realise that whatever i went through a few years back, had shaped the person that i've become today. maybe the outcome today isnt exactly perfect, but i dare say, im much better off than most of my peers in terms of experience and mentality. yes, i still have trouble accepting reality, at times prefering to conjure up make believe life situations to drown in, but at least when the time comes, i face life head on. i've my past to be a constant reminder to never take that same path again. ever.

so please, if you dont have respect for yourself, at least respect others.

you dont deserve to be a leader. at all.

Rapture 2006

i have finally been cured of my hot-guys-deprivation-syndrome. and i cant stop going gaga every time i think of yesterday. and need i mention that everybody dressed to kill?! BABES AND HUNKS OVERLOAD!!

went for SAJC RAPTURE 2006 at the Esplanade yesterday with 2 crazy bitches girls plus one extra professional gamer. there'll be no pictures posted for the simple reason that all of us have the same assumption that the other 2 will bring along THEIR camera - which meant none of us brought any. and the one handphone that has the best camera went *kapoot* on the owner. yeah great. so much for wanting to camwhore the whole night through.

i may not be an expert when it comes to dance, but SAJC DANCERS were great yesterday. it was a performance well done, and i cringe in fact thinking of all the time and effort, perhaps even blood, to prepare for this one performance. it was a well mix of both classical and modern dances and ohmygawd, i especially loved when the ALUMNI took the stage! they were so damn good, and dare i say the guys were hot hot hot! haha. very professional. definitely.

the NUS dancers set everybody drooling. why? they stripped to the basics. the ladies were in nightwear, and the men were in *cough cough* briefs only. well, they started fully clothed of course, in business wear, but halfway stripped. a lot of girls couldnt stay put in their seats of course, and i pity those who came with their boyfriends - wasnt able to appreciate god's creation! haha. its not everyday you get to see men prancing about dancing on stage with only their briefs right?!?!? woohoo! so much for being a good girl!

FINALLY had MRS FIELDS triple fudge brownie yesterday! man, i was craving for it for so damn long! finally finally finally, was able to quench that craving. heavenly i must say! as always.

after all that hoohaa, keith [shir's bf] left for home, and left the 3 of us [shir, iqi and yours truly] to fend for ourselves in this cruel world. hahah. yeah right. so being hungry girls, we headed for supper over at lau pa sat. for what else? satay lah! so please read people, 3 girls, anak2 dara beb at lau pa sat, with no chaperone. we were the 'easy targets' for deprived guys. hahah. iqi was having goosebumps all over her! hahah. so much for short skirt huh iqi?

fooh, luckily we got to catch the last train! basket! if not we'll be camping over at raffles place together! so yes, for the first time, my father was waiting for me downstairs when i reached home! haha. maybe it was the fact that i only reached home at 1.25 in the morning! wow. the last time i actually reached home past midnight was last year, the clubbing period of my life. awww man, it was good memories. especially the mat-overload in the last cabin of the last train. terrorising beb!!

haha. i better be a good girl and go prepare for group study now.

bye darlings~~

life is good~ =))

hello people.

nope, im not down in the pits. im still safely attached to this world, not drifting off into some fantasy land hoohaa.

the previous entry was done at the spur of the moment. i really do miss him you know, but heck, there's nothing i can do about it right? i cant possibly hang on to every memory i have of him and get depressed over such a small thing right? hello?!?! i have a life thank you very much!

which reminds me I LOVE MY LIFE!

alhamdulillah, my life is great now, except for the few missing pieces, but its ok. whats life without problems to keep me grounded and aiming for whats most important - god's blessings. so you see, my life's on a high note right now, no matter what's going on. heck. i even love my lil bro even though he's been opening his big mouth and spreading the word about a certain abang from the mosque. Gosh, he's even shoving the newspaper up peoples' noses just to show that small picture of him. heh. at least now i dont have to go around hiding my feelings. yeah right. i am so in denial. [about the abang at least]

so you see, there's nothing to worry about right now. im already studying in full gear, so that's probably the reason why you'll see me online once in 1 or 2 weeks.. you probably wont miss me anyway. heh. well at least i know someone does.. hahaha..

see. i am so high.

its probably the chicken cheese sausage that i ate just now.....

hahah. see you!!