I need to get a life.

REALLY! its not random. Hold on, actually it is.

You see, this is what happens to a girl who cant just relax, in its true beautiful meaning. At least, in school lah.

Speaking of which, I’m currently in the school library now, skipping not attending H1 CSE China Studies in English lesson, because I was doped into signing up for it, but that is a whole entire different story in my life’s chapter.

And I am bored out of my RED shoes.

I’m not used to this lah. I’ve even be called ALIEN by people who couple up that compliment with that quizzical look of theirs whenever I say… I don’t skip lessons. If I actually make the effort to wake up before Subuh, and make my way down to this school of mine which is situated next to a canal that I’m absolutely in love with (because I love water!), then I shall go for lesson. If I don’t actually intend to gain knowledge and instead slack around in the cafeteria or ‘slacking area’ playing card games – which I only know taiti - , then I might as well stay at home and continue my sleep after carrying out my subuh prayers right?

So yeah, maybe I’m weird. That’s just too bad. People still love me, right? HAHA.

So since this is a VERY random entry, which I’ve not done for quite some time, I shall prove to you that I’m normal, and thus perfectly capable of ranting on and on and on about me, myself and I. Great. Whopedoo!

For those who are still reading this even after loads of crap in the previous paragraphs, WOW. Haha. You must really care about my life, or maybe you’re just bored too. =D So I shall sate your longings.

If you’re a sadistic person who just reads other people blog to make sure that their lives are boring, which ultimately prove that YOUR life isn’t and thus makes you feel better, then TOO BAD. My life isn’t so boring after all.

Lets see..

Did I mention that I’m no longer flying solo..?
Yup, I’ve taken up a stable partner, F.
I’ve got to admit, my normally smooth flight has occasionally taken a bumpy turn. We’ve yet to get used to flying together.
But I shall not talk about him here. We’ll talk personally about this matter (meaning in person, face to face, if I feel like ranting about him with you. =D)

I’m suddenly an active member of MCS, for god-knows-what reasons. I have 3 competitions under my belt now, WOW, and evidently, I have no idea how the teachers got hold of my number, or even know I exist, since I don’t take Malay lessons, courtesy of Higher Malay in secondary school. Oh well, I guess Malay and public speaking are 2 components that I can’t run away from.

AND,
I’M HAVING SURGERY DURING THE JUNE HOLIDAYS, insyaallah.

What surgery?
Plastic surgery and liposuction.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

gila ke?
I’m comfortable in my own skin alhamdulillah. And F loves me as it is, even telling me to keep my love for eating. HAHA. Cantik ah!

I’ll be going for surgery to remove my tonsillitis. The condition’s going from bad to worse. It usually gets swollen once in 2 months, at most, once a month, but I had 3 cases since last month to date! And now, there’s pus and its too swollen(which makes eating painful, and my increasing reliance on liquidated foodstuff), so after much putting off and reluctance (from the parents), its been decided that I shall remove it via surgery at NUH. Must visit me ok? HAHA. And bring DAISIES! *rolls eyes*

Speaking of hospitals, the bills are EXPENSIVE LAH!!
I went for a first checkup yesterday and the original cost (without subsidy) was nearly $240! I would have paid that price if my GP didn’t tell me to get a referral from the polyclinics instead! WTH? And what did the doctor do? He just poked something through my nose that somehow got to my throat (our ears, nose and throat are connected you see) so he can see the condition of my tonsils. Imagine something alien going through your nose and at the same time having something stuck in your throat! OUCCCH!
He did that twice, through both nostrils, and guess how much that costs by itself? $150! Pengsan beb!

Anyway, time check :11.33 am.

Darn!! My next lesson is at 1pm and its H2 Maths lecture! Darn darn darn. I have a choice to leave school at 12.45pm. should I..?
Don’t get me wrong. I love maths! Its just the lecturers I don’t like, AT ALL. She’s just an overqualified person who doesn’t really give a damn. *makcik mode on* So who suffers when graduates cant get a job and turn to teaching because of its stable nature? Students lah… *makcik mode off*

I cant do this. I cant stand this mundane situation. I NEED TO DO SOMETHING!

I think I shall go eat. Then get some work, any work done.
This is absolutely killing me.

See, I told you I need a life. =D


WOW, this whole entry is REALLY just rants of ME, MYSELF AND I! splendid! *rolls eyes* I’d probably delete this. But hey, its for the good of my sanity right? HAHA.

Wash the dirt

Suppose that two firemen go into a forest to put out a small fire. Afterwards, when they emerge and go over to a stream, the face of one is all smeared with black, while the other man’s face is completely clean.

The question is this : which of the two will wash his face?

That’s a silly question. The one with the dirty face of course.

No, the one with the dirty face will look at the other man and assume that he looks like him. And, vice versa, the man with the clean face will see his colleague covered in grime and say to himself : I must be dirty too. I’d better have a wash. -The Zahir, Paulo Coelho

What happens when you decide to take a brave step and embrace someone of the opposite sex to be your significant other? Do you experience the same thing as above? Do you look at him/her and see your supposed reflection?

What if he/she is a negative influence? What if suddenly your seemingly perfect world becomes off-center? What if your imaan suddenly shows signs of weaknesses?

BUT,

He/she experiences the exact opposite.

He changes for the better. He takes more notice for his religious duties. He becomes more stable.

What do you do?

You sit down in front of the mirror, slap yourself, take wudhu', and sit before Him for answers!

Dont drag yourself down that old road again. Stand your ground and dont take on his negative traits. You may hurt him in the process, but would you rather sink with in the quicksand? Strengthen your imaan, seek His help, and walk hand-in-hand through the obstacles to come out stronger than ever, as humans, as Muslims, and as partners.

Because trust me, love is the only rational act.

You know the trouble with having too many ACQUAINTANCES?

Its when you realise that you mean so little to so many people.

So who are your FRIENDS?

If I die tonight, will YOU cry for me? More importantly, will YOU pray for me?

Would you even CARE?

Lets stop disillusioning ourselves shall we?

Thank you Allah for giving me another chance to love.

Delirium of Joy! =D

From tears of disappointment to screams of joy.
From crazed anticipation to frenzied mania.
It was a colourful show of emotions.

Alhamdulillah.

My prayers have been answered, although i was hoping for better.
funny how the subjects I thought i'd screwed, I got better than expected and vice versa. and also the number of could be A1s. $!#%#$#@

And the school cheated my feelings! Haha. and i cried because of it. HAHA.
you see, my aim was to be on stage - top 10%, meaning 7 DISTINCTIONS and above, but i wasnt, as in I didnt get to go on stage.

and guess what i GOT?

7 DISTINCTIONS!

HAHA. see how easily my tears flowed for once??

so being the paranoid person that i am, or was, i didnt look at my results when i got the slip. i ran to cikgu maimoon (OUT OF ALL PEOPLE! =D) and asked her to review it for me. only with her smile did i take a peek at my results.

AND I SCREAMED ON THE SPOT!

English - A2
C. Humans - B3
Mathematics - A2
A. Maths - A2
Physics - A1
Chemistry - B3
Higher Malay - A1
Malay Literature - A2
Malay - A1
Raw L1R5 - 10

Alhamdulillah. I was disappointed with both Maths and Humans. Sastera A2? oh man.. and i was expecting A1 for both Maths lah!! But Physics got me high. For the first time in my exam-based life, i was awarded an A1. CAYALAH ATIKAH! too bad mr loh wasnt there or i would have hugged him!

But as the saying goes, whats done cannot be undone.
Its not the end of the world if i didnt get to be on stage or get a single-digit L1R5.
I still managed to make my parents proud. and my excited dad who's in acheh for some business trip called me even before i got my results. HAHA. i love my dad. =D
So my duty as a daughter has been fulfilled. Alhamdulillah.

So NOW,
SAJC OR NJC?
90% vs 10%.
how?

Insight - Commitment or Routine?

Salam guys.

I’ve a story to tell you. I know it should be about Singapore winning the ASEAN cup blah blah blah, but its not. =D

Every morning, at exactly 7 in the morning,(I know, because I’d always look at my watch), or maybe even as early as 6.45, since God-knows-when (I’ve only realised it last year, which goes to show how bloody ignorant I was.), the sound of music (HAH!) from a VERY FUNCTIONING radio (I live on the 12th storey and I can still hear it!) will be heard. What music? The accompanying music to the Chinese art of taichi. YES. Every morning, even on Sundays, without fail, a group of aunties elderly Chinese ladies, and the occasional men, would gather at the park, which is situated right beside my block, to do taichi. If it rains, they will do their taichi at the multi-purpose hall nearby. Day in, day out, these group of people will kickstart their day with the art of taichi.

Why am I mentioning this?

Do you sense the commitment?
Or would you rather take it as a routine?
That these people put themselves through every single day.
With the same tune.
The same steps.
The same people.

Is it because they are too used to it? Or do they actually value the hour they spend every day doing the same thing?

Lets bring the topic closer to home, to heart.

Do you sometimes feel obliged to do something because you’re comfortable in it? Because it’s the safest thing to do? Because its stupid to you and to everyone else if you were to ever take a risk, jump out of your comfort zone.

Have you ever felt that you’ve had enough of something? Enough of school? Enough of that job that pays you mediocrely? Enough of that same activity that you do everyday but never seemed to get anything out of it? Enough of that relationship?

*Would you get involved in a relationship just because it’s the safest thing to do? Would you convince yourself that you’re in love with a guy just because he loves you and would do anything, ANYTHING, just so that you’d be his, making your life a comfortable routine? Would you believe that you’ve forgotten an old flame, just because you’re tired of waiting for a definite answer? Would you say YES to a commitment that your heart was never into, but you were happy to be in, just to see someone change for the better, and stick with it because you’re scared of change and whatever the future holds?

Imagine being one of the aunties (or uncles). Should one day, you suddenly wake up and think, “I’m sick of taichi, how about I try something new today?”. Would you follow that thought, and seek out other morning activities that you can actually do? Or would you hold on to that wonderful thought for a while, until you actually step out of the house, and consciously seek your taichi group, because you’re too scared to venture out and make new friends, seek new opportunities. Too scared to face something that is by far uncertain.

*Writing is a remedy. What I’m trying to convey to you, I’m trying to digest and practise myself.

The question is, are we willing to forego our own safe judgement, and seek the more fulfilling path?

That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is, no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were, and become who you are. - The Zahir, Paulo Coelho

Would you refuse a guy's love because you have yet to let go of the last one that crossed paths with you? Or would you just accept him and hope vainly that he'll be your antidote for a past failure - something that never ended because it never had a beginning in the first place?